On Hate

So this entry isn't exactly going to be one of those "feel-good" pieces I generally like to share; however I do want to begin with a short disclaimer (even though I know this puts me at an immediate disadvantage to anyone who is reading critically). I am not all-knowing. I have a level of ignorance that skews my opinion. I am writing about my opinion, and one of Joshua's (my husband) favorite quotes is "opinion is the cheapest form of thought". While I don't ascribe to this philosophy, I do agree that uneducated opinion is cheap; however, our opinions are rooted in the pillars that hold us as human beings, and my pillars are love and responsibility.  Now, following this arduous introduction is this human's thoughts, educated from personal experience and study, from my lens of life.

When I was 15 years old I had no belief in a higher power... it seemed like a good idea, it made sense to be part of something bigger than myself, but it just didn't stick with me. I've said it dozens of times, as I share how I gained my faith in Christ, and I'll share it again; in the school I was in the only kids that really stood out from the others were the Mormons and the Muslims. What teenager doesn't like to stand out right?

Anyway, what drew me to find God was the the fact in my mind that religion was the only thing that really drew people together, uniting them to achieve something good, rather than simply uniting for survival against an enemy. I may have not fully grasped at that time the huge struggle in Europe back in the day when all of the reformations and creations of new churches ended in lots of bloodshed, but it was my view that God's work was, and the people who did God's work, were generally good. I went to many different churches and church services, and studied in depth even more religions. Eventually, many of my friends and acquaintances know, I not only joined a church, but I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The truth I was taught struck a chord with my idea of love, and my understanding of covenants, like baptism, satisfied my idea of what would help me take responsibility for my life.

It wasn't until college that I recognized the vast hypocrisy in my church, from the members to some leaders. This didn't change however,  the truth I was taught, the truth I believe with all of my everything that God is love, and I have a responsibility to share that. This truth: God loves me, carried me into the mission field where I taught and conversed with many, many people; most of whom already believed my pillar of truth, that God loves his children; it was only the details that were different.

And this is where the hate comes in. In my experience hate is bred by ignorance and misunderstandings. Willful ignorance or otherwise I met individuals who professed an unyielding devotion to God and Christ yet hated all of who I was because of the little black name tag I wore, and a message of truth I had to share, not to force, but to share. And as I communed with people on all ends of the spectrum, from many different religions including some of my peers who tried more forcing than sharing, I noticed that the negative people projected their will as God's more often than not... but the humble ones, the preached love... missionaries and non-missionaries alike.

It's easier to be in survival mode in a regular situation rather than a progressive mode. Running on adrenaline against a perceived threat is more motivating than just trying to become better in a static environment. This is why religion has been around so long, it is true, and there is that dichotomy between good and evil, God and Satan, that is perpetuated in our culture from comic books to war.

I guess my point of this is that people use different vehicles to move their opinions around, using belief systems as platforms for words and actions. There is not one religion I have ever studied that teaches hate. While, they teach absolute truth about what is right and wrong, they teach love, and that it is not us mere mortals who are in charge, but Deity. I personally find it abhorrent that individuals pervert religion to push hate, and justify harm to others who have different values, cultures, and lifestyles.

In the world we live in today people are largely stepping away from God because of this perversion of truth. Maybe even they are stepping away from the mere belief that others should be loved and respected because those that are supposed to stand for this love are imperfect and fall short (purposefully and accidentally) I don't understand why this hatred and violence has been around for so long, and I didn't see it before... but I do know that even though I don't see religion as bringing people together for good anymore; truth and hope do bring people together for good. Life brings us together, only it is sometimes unable to be put into perspective after a loss of life.

This is why America came together after 9/11, after multiple school shootings, and after the most recent desecration of human life in Orlando. We know because of our humanity that even though our loved ones can't come back from the dead, that there can be healing in the hearts of those whom they have left behind. There is hope that those who have passed are living in a better place, I know this to be true, and in a way I believe there is more gratitude for the lives of those who are now gone.

Violence comes in many forms, but it starts with a misunderstanding that someone either is not loved, or does not deserve to be loved. Terrorism happens on a scale from emotional abuse to straight up mass murder, but in any level of this abuse to humanity, hate is the root. There is nothing explicitly empirical about it, and the sooner we consistently come together in love, the faster we will be able to heal mankind as a whole.

...yeah it sounds like a cheesy hippy thing to say, but it's true, and I personally would like to hang onto that hope that we may be able to seek an understanding of our brothers and sisters, so that we may act in proactive kindness rather than defensive hate. Maybe do a little more coexisting and less judging.

Asian Fish Taco

So basically I've been a little AWOL on the social media recently. Winter is a crazy time, and I got a new job, among other things, buuuuut after some great conversation with an old friend I've decided to resurrect this little blog, and share some of my food ideas!!

Tonight we had an old friend over for dinner, and I was racking my brain about what to make!! So I knew we had some corn tortillas and veggies, soooo I figured tacos would be delicious!!! And, I'm half Asian, so we decided tuna fish tacos would be the best!

Sooooo, the recipe today is for the yummy green sauce that we came up with. As most of you know, I don't really like to cook with recipes, but I'll do my best to get down what I threw together.

Ingredients:

(Part 1)

1/4 C     Chopped Onions

2 Tbsp   Minced Garlic

1 Tbsp   Olive Oil

3 Tbsp   Soy Sauce (or liquid aminos)

3 Tbsp   White Vinegar

(Part 2)

2 Tbsp   Soy Sauce (or liquid aminos)

2 Tbsp   White Vinegar

1.5 C     Spinach

1 tsp      Ginger (ground or fresh)

1) Sautee all ingredients from part one.

2) Place part 2 ingredients into a blender of some sort (we have a Ninja bullet), and then add the entirety of the sauteed ingredients from part one.

3) Blend for about 90 seconds and you have a deliciously tangy and salty sauce!

Scripture Power

There are roughly 12 days left until I’m sealed to the man of my eternity, and I wanted to post something up here encompassing a lot of thoughts I’ve been having lately pertaining to things of an eternal nature… I guess it’s pretty natural to be on my mind. So here is a picture of what I want to talk about!

So, ignoring all of the fun windswept hair from driving with the windows down, I would just like to point out the wonderful set of scriptures in my hand right there!

What sticks out to you?

Well, I’m going to share a little story about these sticks (aka the scriptures) here and explain why they are really symbolic to me as my marriage is approaching.

First off, this beautiful book here was a Christmas present from my parents when I was about 6 months into my mission! I was serving in New Mexico at the time, and it was not a surprise that I got them (because I had asked for them ;) but, it was wonderful that they came from my goodly parents (borrowing adjectives from Nephi’s writing :D).

When I was set apart to be a missionary I was promised that I would be able to share a strong testimony with those I taught of the blessings of temple covenants and the sealing power which has been restored to the earth today. I know that families are eternal, and the covenants we make with our Father in Heaven are the first steps we take to making our families eternal.

The best part of all of the covenants we make and blessings we receive, is that our Father in Heaven has laid out all of the doctrine and requirements he has in the words He has given to us through His prophets. The perfect order of His church, and the proper use of His power is all contained in the sacred records that were kept for us to read at this time in our day! Isn’t it wonderful?

So, on my mission, I kept my nametag on my scriptures to remind myself of who I was, and why I was out there. To remind myself of the sacred calling which I had, and for Whom I was working. To just add one more reminder that I was a set apart representative of Jesus Christ, and it was His name I wore on my chest every day.

The standards I lived then cannot fully be duplicated in non-missionary life, but I continue to keep my nametags in places where I can remember what I taught, and why the basics are so fundamental in our daily conversion.

The last, and newest addition to my beautiful scriptures came a couple of weeks ago when I decided to get my new name engraved on my mission scriptures! It was a gift-for-Joshua-but-kind-of-for-me-type-thing, but I realized when I got it done how everything has kind of come full circle in the 18 months I’ve been the proud owner of these beautiful sticks.

They came from my parents, they’ve reminded me daily of the doctrine I need to know to return to live with my Heavenly Father again, and now they bear the new last name that I will have symbolizing my eternal commitment to Joshua. It is wonderful the spirit that is attached to tangible items we have in our world. I know that we can’t take anything with us after we depart from this world. But I do know the power that I personally receive from the scriptures will help carry me through eternity.

I know my Savior loves me, and everything in this world testifies of Him, and His goodness. I know it is because of Him, and my personal journey to know Him better that I’ve come to this point in my life to be blessed with an eternal companion who is walking the same path as I am. I know families are meant to be forever, and that starts with a relationship with Heavenly Father.

I’m grateful for the little reminders we receive each day that allow us to remember Him, and remember why we are journeying here on earth.

With all of my heart,

Sister Heather Ann Lagrosa

p.s. Don't worry! Part 2 of the story is coming this week!! :D 

The Story Pt. 1

This is one of "those" stories I'd never thought I would be putting down in words... The two-Mormons-meet-and-somehow-"fall in love"-and-practically-get-married-the-next-day-story.

However, one short month from today I will be married to the love of my eternity! This is our story from my perspective, it was quite a journey to start off with, and I believe with all of my heart if it is any foreshadowing of our eternity, I'm going to have one exciting endless existence with this man!

Friday 1 May 2015--> While I'm making some curry to end a two day fast kicking off a cleanse my roomie and I are doing I get a call from my wonderful mission friend Braelene at 6:30pm It's completely out of the random, but she asks if either of us happen to be free for a date to see a movie at 7:45...

My excitement at the prospect of this girl being in town fades as she explains her friend from Provo is looking for a date, but she is stuck in Rexburg. Even though I've been home from the mission for a few months I still haven't seen that many movies, Brittan doesn't want to go, and Braelene is vouching for this kid, so sure why not? If I'm not home in a couple hours Brittan will find me, so I’m not worried.

“Wonderful, I’ll give him your phone number and he’ll call you. I love you girl!”

Braelene hangs up, and I realize I have to go change and put on some real clothes, so I leave Brittan to tend the curry, and 5 minutes later I get a phone call with a  really friendly voice on the other side.

[So just to put a side note in here my address confuses people because it’s an apartment complex, but the number East in the address refers to the apartment number.]

The first thing I ask is if he’s lost, because it gets confusing, but he says no, he’s just looking for the apartment, and I offer to go and find him, so I step outside my door, and…

“…wait talk louder.”

I’m confused. “What?”

“Say something more…”

Braelene, Me and Joshua
(I may be on my tiptoes ;)

“Joshua… where are you?”

“I HEAR YOUR VOICE!”

The voice in my ear sounds a little different than the voice coming from behind me… I turn just in time to then I see this tall ginger kid with an excited child’s smile emerge from around the side of the building. 

I think to myself, ‘well it’s going to be a fun night!’ as I introduce him really quick to my roommate, and then leave to make it to the movie in time. We park a little far away, and he mentions something about ninjas, wanting 30 children, and that we are meeting up with his friends as we walk towards the the theatre, and I think to myself ‘what a weirdo! this kid is hilarious!’

We ended up sitting really close to the front of the room to watch the Avengers, and I somehow manage to be between him and his married friend who’s cute 6-month old makes Hulk noises every time the big green guy is on the screen. Being the cuddly person I am too, I feel this weird urge to hold his hand, so I just awkwardly place it on our shared armrest…

By the end of the movie I am thoroughly impressed with the attention span and lack of crying that comes from baby Hulk, and become a little self conscious as I further realize this movie was a work event when Joshua’s coworker reminds him teasingly not to kiss on the first date, as she points out we are cutely matching in our plaid shirts. As we stand outside I forget how to talk, and he apologetically realizes that even though we’ve been together a couple hours we don’t know anything about each other. He offers to take me to dinner, but it’s late, so I just offer him some of the curry I made, and hopefully some good conversation if I can remember how to talk.

As a good gentleman does, he continues to open doors for me, and we get back to my place and enjoy some good conversation over delicious food. Our common interest list grows exponentially when he finds out my brown-ness comes from being half Filipino, and sees my blackbelt hanging near my mission flags. I’m intrigued to learn that he teaches knife fighting!

At some point the date comes to an end, and there is a great good-night hug, and he says:

“This has been a really good night, I would love to take you out again.”

“I work evenings, so I’ll have to let you know what nights I’m off next week.”

“Please do, I really look forward to getting to know you better.”

“Me too Joshua, I’ll let you know tomorrow. Have a good night!"

Needless to say I go to bed thinking… wow, what a random thing to happen to me today! And what an interesting kid!

The next day…

(Saturday 2 May 2015)

I’m pleased to be off work, and I’m sad to realize that I won’t be available for a date until Friday night, so I text Joshua in the early afternoon so as not to seem too excited.

After checking the phone regularly for two hours between rounds of basketball at the Ky and Kylie's, I get a text back saying:

“Wonderful! :) Can I be audacious and ask you out for Friday?”

They notice a grin on my face as I read the text. Ky says “Girl, you can’t say yes if he’s not man enough to call!”

So thinking to myself, ‘he just asked if he could ask me on a date’ I text back commenting on his wonderful vernacular.

Within ten minutes I get a phone call, and I answer it…

“So I have this rule for myself, I can’t ask a girl out on a date over text message. I’m glad you have next Friday off Heather, could I take you out on a date?”

My heart is basically melted from sheer unexpected proper courtship, and my excitement level about this kid skyrockets from interested to ‘dang, who is this guy!?!?!’

This new level of excitement and some witty banter perfectly sets up his next statement:

“Friday is so far away, I think I’m going to need to see you before then!”

My heart stops for a second, and a string of random thoughts come to my mind ‘Why are so interested in me? It’s because I’m brown isn’t it? …well I AM pretty amazing, and humble. Oh man I’m hilarious.’

So we set up a fun brunch date for Tuesday, and agree we’ll get in touch on Monday to finalize the plans.

Still in shock and awe from this kid’s exceptional manners, my mind seems to function a little slower and my face won’t lose a little grin as I continue with the evening.

Sunday rolls around and I wake up, excited I get to go to my ward since I’m not working the morning at the hospital, and even more excited that we are making dinner for lovely friends! But there’s a part of me that is dying a little bit because I’ve not called Joshua to ask if he wants to come over for dinner too.

After church I ask Brittan: “It would be weird right? …I mean we just went on a date like basically yesterday. I should just wait to call him tomorrow… I can do that. Why am I so excited about this kid!??!”

…okay so it was more of talking at her than asking her anything, but at least I get to a decision to wait for Monday.

And Monday comes!

My first thought as my eyes open:

'Wooohooooo I get to call Joshua today!'

As I reach for my phone… 'Woah, calm the freak down girl… it’s like 7 am'

So instead I tell Brittan “Hey guess what I get to do today!?!?! CALL JOSHUA!!!”

Eventually I get to talk to him before my evening shift, and we decide on brunch the next morning. 

We take the day to brainstorm brunch ideas, and talk again later for about an hour and a half after I get off work.

Tuesday

I wake up and it feels like Christmas as I do my morning transport at the hospital, and return home to get things started for our date.

My usual confident composure is completely lost when he comes over and I totally forget how to carry on a conversation. I’m literally thinking, as we are assembling quinoa bowls in the kitchen: ‘How the crap did you forget how to talk? …seriously you graduated college… with a psych major… you should be able to carry on a conversation dude….’

What a brunch right? ;)

My mind doesn’t completely soak in all of the conversation we have, especially when I accidentally drop some avocado on my dress, and I’m trying to figure out why he is purposefully spilling his avocado too. As he explains that it makes your date feel more comfortable too, I just keep thinking about what a cute weirdo he is.

Then, a really great… and I mean great as in big, not as in awesome, scratch comes to my throat that just cannot be soothed by water. This fact is proven as I start choking when I take a drink… and yes this was followed by Joshua trying to choke on his water too.

I start crying because I’m coughing so hard tears come to my eyes, and I’m grateful the flushed nature of my cheeks can be blamed on that, and not just my horrific embarrassment at the fact that he thinks I just swallowed my water wrong, but really I’m just choking for no reason, and then that thing happens when your nose starts to run… but not just run, it’s like mini Niagra Falls... so I try to excuse myself with as much grace as possible.

While I’m in the bathroom I take a few deep breaths, and pray that things won’t get any more embarrassing… hopefully we can just laugh about this later…

When I return to the table though I remember that we have the common interest of knives! As we talk about throwing knives, I enjoy the mix of respect and disbelief that comes to his face as I show him my personal set.

The time comes too soon for everyone to return to work. He gives me a very friendly hug and my awkwardness of speech, mixed with the embarrassment of choking and lack of previous physical contact comes together with: 

“So I’m kind of a touchy-feely person…”

as my hands slide into his.

He giggles a little bit, in an oddly masculine way, and squeezes my hands tighter as he pulls me closer to him and kisses my forehead. 

I feel an incredible warmth, like the Spirit filling me with the most sobering excitement I’ve ever felt in my life ascend from my toes up to my heart. Before I realize it I’m hugging him again, and I’m just stunned by this delightful peace I’m feeling in his arms.

… needless to say, my heart is floating for the rest of the day, and much into my sleepless night.

So on Wednesday I wake up after sleeping for a couple hours, I rollover and ask Brittan: "How can you be asleep when it's Christmas!?!?!?!?!?!" Well, it's not Christmas for her, but my extra energy gives me the motivation I need to speedily get ready for work even with the lack of sleep.

Then I get a text from Brittan: "It is Christmas!" ...and pondering on the missed call I have from Joshua I realize I missed him at my apartment this morning!! So I decide to stop by home before heading up to my babysitting job and I see the most beautiful purple flowers sitting on our table!

So I die a little bit more with joy, and then come to life again when we finally get a good texting conversation going, that isn't awkward because we're used to just talking on the phone. We talk about the logistics of us meeting being incredibly improbable, and decide that we need to have a mango date that night. He's really excited to tell me something.

I don't think I can wait till the night, but I try to work on my patience, and then decide that if I'm not going through a crazy manic episode I should be able to feel some peace in the temple. So after work, I go with Brittan, for some reason, know that I'm not just being crazy, I'm just crazy about him. At some point between the temple and work round 3, I call him and we talk for minute, and naturally my being crazy about him comes up... I tell him it's weird for me to feel this strongly about someone, because as much as I love people I generally don't like them or crush on them. Of course, he just tells me he wants to wait to see my face when he tells me how he's feeling. So naturally, I can't wait but I have to go.

So I get home from work, and I'm dying for him to get to my place so we can talk. But he's not there yet, and I'm freaking out a little bit and pacing and talking to Brittan. My heart stops when there is a knock on the door, but it's Ky and Kylie! So I continue pacing, and start my story over again about how this amazing kid is making me feel!

My heart stops again and everyone screams a little when there another knock on the door, but it's Tati, our friend who has been staying with us for a few nights!

Various voices with displeased remarks unavoidably come out as everyone squeezes onto our full-sized bed, and I start up again my oration of meeting this man... then we hear another knock!

My anxiety is through the roof when I open it, and it's our neighbor from across the building returning a roll of paper towels she borrowed over the weekend!

I inadvertently let out a little frustrated sigh as I go back to the room and explain that it wasn't him at the door, and describe my disbelief in the chances that this night would be the night our door would be most knocked on! 

I hear another knock, and this time, approach the front door half expecting to see missionaries or Jehovah's Witnesses out there, but it's him! And he's got a bag of mangos! I think I smile the biggest I have in ages as I give him a hug, and introduce him to the abnormally large number of women in the apartment.

They got to the living room, while we go to cut mangos in the kitchen.

I'm going for the knife and cutting board, but he pulls me in for a really tight, and surprisingly comfortable hug as he tells me really sweetly:

“I’ve dated a lot of girls, and you  are just doing something to me, and it’s different…”

It’s really flattering to hear this, and I’m confused at the overwhelming desire to just get know everything about Joshua even though I want to call him Jordan, because I’ve only known him for a few days… so I try to formulate something intelligent to respond to him, and I’m pretty sure I’m successful when he has the cute excited kid grin on his face again.

He pulls me close again and says: “Hey, how about let’s be together, just me and you?!?”

For a short second the thought comes to my mind ‘Why didn’t we just have this conversation outside to begin with?’ and then I realize, ‘Ohhhhhhh, committed relationship… this is fast! but sure, why the heck not? You’re an awesome kid.’

Fortunately for the both of us that thought train comes out as less of a wreck:

“I like the sound of that.”

Somehow that huge kid grin got huger (yes, this a word)… and the next thing I know our faces are really close together, and I think our lips are touching, but the only thing I can think is:

‘What is happening right now?’as I realize my sudden lacks in speech and thought also extended to my kissing skills, and I’m standing there feeling like a 12-year old again.

"I've never been so excited to cancel a date!" He says cheerfully.

All I can do is laugh as I think 'Wow, I'm really glad you like me because I'm so sorry that was our first kiss! How the heck am I forgetting everything!!??!!'

So we cut some mangos...

... I realized this might take more than one night to write, so it'll be coming in parts ;)

But here's a cutesicles picture of us in front of the Provo Temple where we will be getting sealed in a month!! :D

It is Wonderful: Rebirth

So today was the 7^th anniversary of my confirmation as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints! Yesterday I celebrated the renewal of my baptismal covenant as I do each week when I get to take the sacrament, and I celebrated my re-birthday too! My lovely roommate gave me a necklace to remind me of the tree of life, enduring to the end, and continuing to find peace and balance in life. Today, overall was pretty spectacular, but not super eventful, which made me reflect upon the talk Bishop Causse gave in conference two weeks ago…

As I’ve been contemplating where I am right now in my young life, I’ve been reflective about where I’ve come from. I remember how wonderful and sweet the gospel was when it first came into my life in the form of a couple exceptionally good friends in high school. One of which, had the courage to invite me to come to church… even though she knew I didn’t share her standards or believe in her deity, she gave the invitation, and I was able to attend!

That was wonderful. It was so wonderful to me to experience a love that I had never before felt, like the average teenager, I struggled with some pretty catastrophic ups and downs, but some of them were a little more rocky than average, and this first experience I had of love in that cute little church building was just the beginning of my understanding of a power that would literally save my life. So I kept attending, and then, after a couple months I met the missionaries.

That was wonderful. I remember the two boys with the same first name, their faces changed on occasion, but they were always really tall (I’m pretty short, so that’s not unexpected ;), always wearing suits, and always named Elder! They taught me some things about the church, about my relationship with my Father in Heaven, things I’d talked with those exceptionally good friends about, but didn’t put a whole lot of thought into… but the most important thing I learned was how to pray.

Now that, at first, wasn’t so wonderful. My heart was being opened by the spirit, and something inside of me was being stirred by the things I was learning in church and the tall guys with name tags, but every time I tried to talk to the “man upstairs” I just felt like my words were bouncing off the ceiling… until one night in frustration I put away my usual relief of stress, and got on my knees instead.

That was wonderful! The simple knowledge that God loves me personally, and that He was listening to my words, that changed my life. God loves me! The Spirit that testified of that truth to me was the same Spirit that was there when the missionaries were teaching me, the same Spirit that was in the building I’d spent 3 hours in every single Sunday, and the same Spirit that I felt when I’d heard truth and felt love in my life… that simple knowledge had such a profound effect on me that I could not even comprehend the things that had been set in motion.

That was wonderful, and over the next year I slowly made some changes in my life, almost losing it at one point… but those changes were made, and seven years and one day ago I was reborn, baptized by water just like my Savior. And the next day, the day I celebrate today, I was baptized by fire when I received the gift of the Holy Ghost, so that wonderful Spirit that I felt when I entered into that church building the first time, when I met with those missionaries, and when I received a witness for myself that there is a True and Living God; that wonderful Spirit could be my constant companion as I continue throughout my life.

Now that, that was truly wonderful.

I continued to have my ups and downs, and I still have them, but there is that anchor of peace in my life that I know is there, and that I seek out every day… yesterday was one of those days when the seas were a little rougher than usual, and the desire to get out of bed was minimal, one of those days when the darkness that is in the world seemed greater than the light for a little more than a minute… but you know what?

It is still wonderful.

I was blessed enough to be able to truly understand what life is at a young age, and circumstances permitted me enter into covenants to anchor my faith. I’ve been so blessed throughout the entirety of my life, through trials and strengths I’ve grown. But in these last 7 beautiful years of rebirth, I’ve understood better the meaning of “everybody dies, but not everybody lives.” I’ve understood what it is to be bold and valiant in my faith, and the strength that comes from keeping my covenants. I’ve understood what it is like to see light fade in my life as I become casual in my relationship with God and His simple steps He’s given me to stay on the right path. I’ve learned what it is to be not just active, but proactive in the gospel, and in my life.

God has made more of me than I could ever have made of myself, and it is my humble declaration that I will allow Him to continue to mold me in my life! Just as 

I know that it won't be easy, but it will be wonderful!

(And this will be my theme song for the trip :)

With all of my heart,

Heather Ann Lagrosa